I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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