her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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