Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
