my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
