I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
