I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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