So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
