How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
