Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
