My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
