A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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