He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
