I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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