hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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