Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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