I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
