Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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