i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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