Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
