Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
