Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
