I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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