i barfeds in our rink
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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