I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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