ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
