dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She bit a glass in half.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
