You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
