just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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