Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
