It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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