I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
