I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
