shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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