Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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