Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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