I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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