I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
