Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
