Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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