When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
