Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
