Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
