Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
