remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
