I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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