I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
