So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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