dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
