Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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