okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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