Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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