I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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