do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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