Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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