a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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