Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
