It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
