Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
