The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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