WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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