Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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