I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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