so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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