guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
