He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
