And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
