so let's talk penis.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
