she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
