That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
