a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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