I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize