should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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