I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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